Be Strong

There are times when I just want to break. When all the walls I've built up come crashing down. Because at points I feel like people don't understand what I'm feeling or what's going through my head. I wish people knew how much it hurts to be put down or to be told I can't do something or can't make something last. No matter how much they think they are joking.. It really gets to me that they don't put my feelings ahead of that. They just say what they think is funny. And of course I'm not going to cry. No matter how much it hurts and how much I really do want to. I always have to remind myself that I have to be strong. That no matter what I do someone is around the corner to criticize me. Crying just makes me look weak. So I've been told. And I can't look weak. I've got to keep my head high.. Wipe away those tears. For I should have no fears. I should always keep a smile on my face. I shouldn't let people know how hurt I am because life is too short to not smile. 

Take Chances.

The problem with it all is that I don't take chances. I don't take risks. Not taking risks means not getting great opportunities. And that's another problem. I need to take those opportunities. Because without them I'm nothing. I have no money. All I've got is the talent people say I have. If I have as much talent as people say I do..then why don't I use it to my advantage? Because I have no motivation. That's why. Sometimes I wish more people would push me to do something. Because I obviously can't push myself. I wish I could. I know I can do it, but I never do and I don't know why. I tell myself that I will do something that day, and then I never do it. I always question.. What's wrong with me? Why don't I get up and do what I KNOW I can do? Maybe it's because I've been beaten down so many times. But that's it. No more laying around. No more telling myself that if some people think I can't do it then maybe I can't. I know I can pick myself up and draw, write, cook, and sing. No matter how many times I've been pushed down.. I've just got to be strong and motivate myself into doing the things that could make my future amazing. <3

A Life So Great.

And I can tell you now that when I moved to Haverhill I didn't think my life could be this great.. And I didn't think great people like this could come into it. I thought I would never be able to move on from the friends and the memories I had in both Georgia and New Hampshire. I would cry myself to sleep or sometimes I wouldn't even sleep at all. I'd stay up all night, restless, and looking for somebody to talk to to take my mind off things. No matter who I went to though.. Nothing helped. Nobody could ease the pain I was feeling. I just wanted to start school again and find a new home. I wanted new friends again. Not that I personally wanted to start over in a new state, but I had no other choice. There are times when you have to think to yourself and realize that you have to take what you can get. Nothing comes easily and when you have an opportunity for something you need to take it. Whether it's making new friends all over again, starting in a better school, a job, a new life, or a new look at the world around you. No matter what obstacles you run into or what hits you on the road down your path of life, you have to keep going. You need to pick yourself up, dust off your knees, keep your head high, and just keep going.

Don't listen to what other people say as they try to bring you down. Because eventually you will find people in life that will love you for who you are and what you want to do with your life.You'll find family and friends you didn't know you could have later on in the future. And they will encourage you. No matter how much you want to block them out because you might not like taking advice that isn't your own, you know deep inside that it's the right advice and you should live by it. Eventually I took this advice.. I picked myself up.. I stopped my crying and my whining about how it wasn't fair that I was being torn apart again.. And I went to school and I put on my smile and made new friends. Which brought me here today. I've actually got a family.. Something I couldn't reach in Georgia.

And I feel that they love me. Grandparents.. Uncles.. Aunts.. Cousins. And I've got the family I've had for my past almost 15 years of my life in a place to live. No more being homeless. No more not having money to pay our rent. They have jobs and we are a stable family and I love that. Because truthfully.. We weren't before. And the new friends that accompany me now have really made a difference in my life.

By smiling and being myself around people in school, which I normally don't do, I acquired a friend. One that now I call my boyfriend. Almost two months now.. No arguing or anything.. Because we talk things out. He's my best friend and my boyfriend.. And I couldn't ask for more.

Not only that, but his family is so welcoming and so funny and they make me feel comfortable to be around them. I had never felt so welcomed into a family that I had just met. And I've made a few memories with them.. And I really can't wait to make more. Not only with them but the family I hadn't gotten the chance to make memories with until now. I'm starting to love this new life I've made.. And I'm not starting over again. I don't want to ever move again. I don't want to have to make new friends.. Get into a new school curriculum. That's just not for me. I'm happy where I am. I'm settled..I'm at peace. <3